As kids explore and shape their identities, parents may encounter new concepts that spark curiosity. One concept that has come into focus, especially in online spaces, is gender envy.
What Is Gender Envy?
Gender envy isn’t a clinical term and can mean different things to different people. However, gender envy is a term that many people, including teenagers, have used to describe their feelings about gender identity. For some, it’s a casual way of expressing admiration for certain gender expressions. For others, it might be tied to deeper feelings of distress or dysphoria. Like many aspects of gender identity, it’s a highly individual experience.
Its meaning and usage have evolved over time. In simple terms, gender envy could refer to:
- A desire for characteristics typically associated with a gender different from your own
- Feelings of wanting to express certain gender-related traits
There is no one-size-fits-all definition or approach to understanding gender identity (a person’s internal sense of gender) and gender expression (how a person presents their gender through appearance), including the experience of gender envy.
How Might Gender Envy Manifest in Teenagers?
Teenagers might manifest gender envy in different ways, including:
- Strong appreciation for certain characteristics of their peers, especially those with a specific gender identity
- Interest in clothing or accessories typically associated with a different gender
- Heightened interest in celebrities, characters, or public figures of a different gender, particularly their mannerisms or appearance
- Engagement with content related to gender expression or that showcases diverse gender presentations
- Expressions of frustration about social roles associated with assigned gender roles
Questioning and exploring gender identity, including its social implications, is a crucial chapter in the story of growing up. Experiencing gender envy does not necessarily indicate a specific inclination toward any gender identity or sexual orientation. Nor does it indicate mental health challenges. It’s simply one of many ways teens might express their journey of self-discovery.
For more in-depth, authoritative information on these topics, we recommend reading this Gender Spectrum guide.
What Might Cause Teenagers to Feel Gender Envious?
Understanding why a teen might feel gender envious can help you approach the concept with empathy and insight. Contributing factors that may have a complex interplay can include:
- Observing and interacting with peers
- Self-discovery and identity formation
- Societal expectations
- A desire for self-expression
- Physical changes during puberty
How Can Parents Support Teenagers Experiencing Gender Envy?
The goal is to create a nurturing space where your child feels safe discussing gender envy and other feelings. What matters most is your willingness to provide love and support.
1. Maintain Open Dialogue
Let your child know you’re available to talk, but don’t force conversations. It may help to start with casual conversations about identity and general self-expression, rather than jump into highly focused dialogues.
2. Listen Actively
When your teenager talks about their feelings, listen without trying to solve or dismiss their experience. Offer your full attention and echo what you hear. Avoid judgments or assessments of what they express.
3. Respect Their Journey
Allow your teenager to learn and explore their identity at their own pace. Respect their privacy as they work through self-discovery, and avoid adding labels unless they do so themselves.
4. Model Inclusivity
Lead by example and demonstrate respect for diverse gender identities and expressions. Take time to learn about these experiences and the language often used to describe them. This can create a more accepting environment for your teen.
5. Consider Contacting a Mental Health Professional
If your teen struggles with feelings about their gender identity or if you’re concerned about their well-being, support from a professional who specializes in adolescent development can be highly beneficial.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Educating yourself about various gender identities and related challenges is an important step. When teens experience distress related to gender identity or expression, behavioral health experts can provide targeted support.
At Muir Wood, we understand the challenges parents face in supporting their teens through complex issues of gender envy, identity, and self-expression. While we don’t specialize in gender dysphoria treatment, our compassionate clinicians are committed to providing personalized care that respects each teen’s individual experiences and needs.
Should you wish to seek additional support for your teen, our programs offer support for underlying mental health challenges that may coexist with gender-related distress. We strive to create an affirming and inclusive environment for all teens.
If you’d like more information about teen development and well-being, we encourage you to explore our resources and browse related topics on our blog. These can provide valuable insights and guidance for both parents and teens navigating complex issues.